Monday, January 25, 2010

The Phone Number and the First Call

The last post introduced a few methods to meet girls in various situations, and now it’s time to put that number she gave you to use.

Your goal is to get to know her better in a one-on-one situation with romantic possibilities hanging in the background, otherwise known as a date.

I’ve noticed that asking for her number is best done away from her group of friends, which makes the experience more intimate. She might be more reserved passing it along with everybody watching, but if that’s the only time, then suck it up and go for it.

In fact, one key lesson I’ve learned, in dating and beyond, is that The Timing Is Never Right. Magical moments are rare and are forcefed to us in books and movies, but reality is far more chaotic. This philosophical nugget will be further discussed in future points, but I’d like that seed to be planted now, because it’s damn important.

Texting VS Calling

A strange phenomenon I’ve noticed in this age is how comfortable girls are with texting versus calling. Back in the day, you’d get a girl’s home phone number and her parent or sibling might awkwardly take the call. Then cell phones arrived and you could reach her directly around the clock. Now we have the ability to text a brief message, which has altered the process of dating, for better and for worse. Your best strategy is to use both mediums of communication, starting with the text.

The night you meet

I like to get the number and text her later that night with a message cleverly referring to how we met and connected. Attractive girls will have a lot of guys introducing themselves in one night, especially at a bar, so be sure to differentiate yourself from the pack.

Here are a few actual texts I’ve used:

“Hi Jane, I had a great time running into you, and it makes me want to sing: I’m trying to find the words to describe our dancing without being DISRESPECTFULLL ;) – Eric”

(This was referring to us getting our groove on the dance floor to “Sexy Bitch” by David Guetta featuring Akon, an untouchable jam.)


“Happy New Years Jane! Good meeting a fellow … at …. If you’re up to continue the celebration, my friends and I are going to (some future night out) Lets keep the party going! - Eric”

Usually the response will be a J or “lol”, indicating that there’s a high chance she’ll take …

The first call

The best times to call are weekend afternoons or weekday evenings after 9:00 p.m. The former is when people are relaxing and prepping for their night ahead and the latter is ideal because it’s after work and dinner when people unwind before bed.

To feel nervous excitement before your first call is completely normal and will diminish with time. Studies in communication show that an energy is passed back and forth between people talking face-to-face where in the speaker is constantly interpreting the listener through non-verbal signals. The speaker can identify if the listener is entranced, distracted, bored or angered and this will impact how the speaker continues verbalizing his/her thoughts. With phones, you have limited access to these signals, and a good way to relieve this excess energy, is by toying with an object (not THAT object you pervert) or going for a walk.

In conversation you might think: “Is she pausing because she is pondering my thought, checking out a hot guy walking by or browsing her cousin’s facebook update? You’ll never know, but it shouldn’t be a concern because, if she’s into your conversation, she’ll be focused on you.

To put myself in a good mindset, I sometimes like to lie down on my bed and dim the lights. Besides calming me, the girl will often pickup on my chill vibe and it’ll feel like pillow talk.

You don’t need to “plan” the conversation, but should instead focus on what you did that day, and especially highlighting any fun moments. DO NOT complain about work or how you were bored in class, unless there’s a funny twist to it. Get to know her better, and eventually segue the conversation into meeting up. Give her a few days and times that work for you and determine each of your availabilities.

But if she doesn’t pick up, because people are often busy …

It goes straight to voicemail …

One truth I have found is that NOBODY likes leaving voicemails. Essentially, you’re improvising a monologue and do not want to come off as awkward or nervous, which is hard when you have no one to communicate with. Voicemails are one-way streets, so keep them simple and to the point.

I like to say, “Hi Jane, it’s Eric. How are ya? I’m right now in awe of this strange LA night fog on my way to see a friend. Hope you’re doing well, call me back. Ciao.”


“Hi Jane, it’s Eric. I had something really funny to tell you but I guess it’ll have to wait. Talk to you soon. Bye”

When she calls, I’ll tell her something funny that happened recently or a good joke I heard.

Your voicemail should have:

- Purpose: that you want to talk to her another time and

- Flavor: like sharing a personal moment or alluding to something funny

Odd Phone Moments

In one night, I left voicemails for two girls, and each responded promptly in less than an hour by text message, thus changing the medium of communication. I do not suggest this EVER. Even if you’re busy, it’s polite to respond with a call or pick up the phone and explain, “I’m busy, can I call you back in an hour?” and proceed to do so.

In my situation, I responded to the girls by text and later arranged evenings to go out with both of them. You gotta roll with the punches.

One great use of text is to check-in every now and then with a girl. If you’re thinking of her, and not coming off as needy, express yourself. “Hey. Been thinking of you. Hope your day is going well.” You’ve got nothing to lose and I generally get positive responses, as long as it’s sincere.

Gentlemen, there are many methods to call, text or facebook a girl so as to secure a date. For the benefit of all men, I encourage that you share any that have proven successful.

And stay tuned in the next post as we investigate the dating ritual known as: THE FIRST DATE


Anonymous said...

you are such a virgin.

Anonymous said...

I seriously love you. You complete my life. Every single word you write is gold. Please don't ever stop writing this blog. In fact, please post more often.

Anonymous said...

Have you ever thought about writing a book? I mean, once you have enough blog posts you can arrange them into different sections and sell them as an LA Dating Guide. I can see a lot of people benefiting from this valuable advice.

Anonymous said...

Yes I would purchase a LA Dating Guide, and would refer to it and, perhaps, even quote it during dates.

Anonymous said...

Cool article. Keep it up!

Anonymous said...

I like your tips. I met a girl at a this last weekend and I texted her the next day and she never responded. Should I try again or do I just let it go?

Eric Horwitz said...

@Anonymous 11:53pm
First off, names would help here, there are too many Anonymous people! Call her and see what happens. If you don't get a response, it wasn't meant to be

Julia said...

I like the article. Although, if I was texting back a guy "lol", it's probably a cop out. I'll write more if I really like the guy and want to keep the conversation going.

Eric Horwitz said...

@Julia, thank you for the comment.

I should have clarified that a positive response is :-) or "lol" followed by a few sentences responding to my text. The bare bones of a conversation.

in fact, some girls actually respond with "hahahahaha" and I think that's funny because I actually imagine them laughing... I mean ... they actually took the time to type out their laughter. :)

Courtney said...

You make some interesting points here. I definitely find myself drawn to the most outgoing person, and I see the extroversion as a real sign of confidence. Even so, it becomes difficult to remember all of the guys I met in a particularly crowded bar, so a joke or pleasant moment we shared in the sea that is the LA social scene definitely helps jog my memory. I will say, though, that it's an even better sign if I remember a guy withOUT the added information.

Eric Horwitz said...

@Courtney. Agreed, making an impression without the need to remind the girl who you are is always preferable. Out of curiosity, how many guys might you meet in a night out? What has set some of them apart from others? Thank you for enlightening us males :)

Courtney said...

It really depends. On certain nights I'm not really in the mood to meet anybody new, I'm just there to unwind from a tough week or spend some time with friends. On those nights when I DO feel a little more receptive, I'd say I maybe talk to 5 or 6 guys through a night, and I'll usually give my phone number to those that ask for it. As for standing out, I'd say I've been impressed by those guys who really seem interested in what I have to say, and those that learn my name quickly and use it often. There's nothing worse than spending time talking to someone and at the end having them ask, "What's your name again?" One time, a guy I had talked to earlier in the night bought me a drink, and on the napkin he wrote, "I gotta feeling tonights gonna be a good night :-)" because we had talked about the Black Eyed Peas earlier. I thought it was adorable.

Eric Horwitz said...

@Courtney. That is a fantastic story and I give props to the guy for his cleverness. I will definitely expand on the importance of
A) Remembering a girl's name (which can be hard when you meet 5 people at once) But if you use someone's name a few times it'll click. Also, I like to ask them to spell their name because I was an English major and it helps me remember more unique names.
B) LISTENING. And doing it with thinking of what you're going to say next. It can be tricky, especially if there's a lot of brain chatter going on in a man's head, but it's the only way you can connect.

I don't know if you've seen (500) Days of Summer, but there's a great scene where the charming male protagonist is listening to a very personal story from the girl he's been in love with ... but the narration informs us he is more thrilled with her confiding in him than actually listening to the story itself. He's in love with "being in love" and his head was not in the moment.

It's a great movie. :)

Anonymous said...

"In my situation, I responded to the girls by text and later arranged evenings to go out with both of them."

That is some Zack Morris-style action, you sly dog!

Courtney said...

I haven't seen 500 Days of Summer, but I definitely wanted to. I'll check it out :-).

Demetrio said...

hey i've noticed the text phenomenom and how women these days seem more open to texting than talking on the phone--especially first meeting them. Also, I'd like to add that the best time to call or text the first time is the day AFTER meeting/obtaining the cell number. If a man calls or texts the same day, it makes him appear too needy, and if he waits longer than 2 days, then the woman will often assume disinterest, or get distracted and possibly more interested in another man in the mean time. --Demetrio Landeros

Eric Horwitz said...

@Demetrio, I like that and it has the benefit of keeping you on her mind outside of the time you first met.

Though I must say, this goes against the 2-day rule that the incredible film "Swingers" once taught me. ;)

Roxanne said...

When will there be a new post? The suspense is killing me...

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