Friday, May 28, 2010

The Year of the Gentleman


"Learn this opener! Study these routines and GET LAID FASTER THAN YOU WILL HAVE EVER THOUGHT POSSIBLE.” – most pickup artists telling you to pay $1,500+ for a one weekend boot camp experience

“Sex is just around the corner and all you have to be is follow the three A’s: Arrogance, Aggression and A**hole!” - Mock seducer / Lothario begging for your money

So many seducers, manipulators, and “official” pickup artists claim to have the answer for how to find, attract and take home a hottie at the night club. A couple of years ago, I idolized these figures through TV shows like “The Pickup Artist” and online forums. Then I realized these tactics rang false to me, and did not fit into my personality nor those of my friends. I won’t gain anything by memorizing lines, because it doesn’t teach me to think on my feet in the moment. Also, what I have been naturally doing my whole life has worked out pretty well as a (dare I say it) “Nice guy.”

“Nice guys finish last” is an ugly myth often perpetuated by “seduction experts” to dismiss guys who are kind toward other people as losers who never get the girl. And yet I know many “nice guys,” meaning men with good souls and kind hearts, who have great success with women. One of my best friends is a fantastic guy who has and continues to have great long-standing relationships. Another buddy is a very genuine, friendly and open man who has no problem attracting women.

In my own life, there are plenty of success stories. As a "nice guy" my first girlfriend was fun-lovin, incredibly sexy and often said to resemble Scarlett Johansson. In Italy, I was the only American male to successfully court an Italian woman, who are notorious for being “hard to get” for Americans (on the otherhand, Italian men nabbed American women like wolves praying on baby sheep). Sometimes I’ve had two dates a week, other times, long stretches with little romantic activity. The point is, I feel like I’ve been doing something right as a…

Charming Gentleman

A great definition of what it means to be “charming.”

“Charm is the ability to make someone else think that both of you are pretty wonderful.”

A gentleman is a considerate, courteous man with a sense of etiquette. The “charming gentleman” is the man who looks sharp and can walk into any situation and add a moment of joy to those he interacts with. People laugh in his presence and strangers are drawn to his good energy. At any event, he can be the life of the party and can fearlessly engage in conversation with anyone. He carries this likable personality from the bar, to the gym, to the workplace and everywhere else. He embodies a lifestyle that attracts friends, strangers and, of course, women.

Over the next few posts, we’ll dive into the 6 element of the Charming Gentleman.

1) Be kind

2) Be awesome

3) Look great

4) Introduce yourself first

5) Ignore the haters

6) Assert when the moment is right

1) Be kind

Here are a handful of ways to be kind. Remember that all you have to do is be courteous.

Say “hello” and “thank you” as often as possible, such as to the grocer you see every week or the barista that serves you coffee.

Understand etiquette, such as showing respect to the person in front of you by maintaining eye contact, not letting yourself be distracted and not taking phone calls, text messages and emails from other people who aren’t there.

Call people back in a timely fashion.

Sincerely apologize when you do something wrong or hurt someone’s feelings.

Be friendly and non-judgmental with people you don’t know.

Be punctual, even early, when meeting someone. It shows you respect their time.

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Being kind is easy and rewarding, as you’ll notice people respond more warmly to you and appreciate your consideration.

Next Friday we’ll jump into the second element:

Be awesome

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