The last post introduced a few methods to meet girls in various situations, and now it’s time to put that number she gave you to use.
Your goal is to get to know her better in a one-on-one situation with romantic possibilities hanging in the background, otherwise known as a date.
I’ve noticed that asking for her number is best done away from her group of friends, which makes the experience more intimate. She might be more reserved passing it along with everybody watching, but if that’s the only time, then suck it up and go for it.
In fact, one key lesson I’ve learned, in dating and beyond, is that The Timing Is Never Right. Magical moments are rare and are forcefed to us in books and movies, but reality is far more chaotic. This philosophical nugget will be further discussed in future points, but I’d like that seed to be planted now, because it’s damn important.
Texting VS Calling
A strange phenomenon I’ve noticed in this age is how comfortable girls are with texting versus calling. Back in the day, you’d get a girl’s home phone number and her parent or sibling might awkwardly take the call. Then cell phones arrived and you could reach her directly around the clock. Now we have the ability to text a brief message, which has altered the process of dating, for better and for worse. Your best strategy is to use both mediums of communication, starting with the text.
The night you meet
I like to get the number and text her later that night with a message cleverly referring to how we met and connected. Attractive girls will have a lot of guys introducing themselves in one night, especially at a bar, so be sure to differentiate yourself from the pack.
Here are a few actual texts I’ve used:
“Hi Jane, I had a great time running into you, and it makes me want to sing: I’m trying to find the words to describe our dancing without being DISRESPECTFULLL ;) – Eric”
(This was referring to us getting our groove on the dance floor to “Sexy Bitch” by David Guetta featuring Akon, an untouchable jam.)
“Happy New Years Jane! Good meeting a fellow … at …. If you’re up to continue the celebration, my friends and I are going to (some future night out) Lets keep the party going! - Eric”
Usually the response will be a J or “lol”, indicating that there’s a high chance she’ll take …
The first call
The best times to call are weekend afternoons or weekday evenings after The former is when people are relaxing and prepping for their night ahead and the latter is ideal because it’s after work and dinner when people unwind before bed.
To feel nervous excitement before your first call is completely normal and will diminish with time. Studies in communication show that an energy is passed back and forth between people talking face-to-face where in the speaker is constantly interpreting the listener through non-verbal signals. The speaker can identify if the listener is entranced, distracted, bored or angered and this will impact how the speaker continues verbalizing his/her thoughts. With phones, you have limited access to these signals, and a good way to relieve this excess energy, is by toying with an object (not THAT object you pervert) or going for a walk.
In conversation you might think: “Is she pausing because she is pondering my thought, checking out a hot guy walking by or browsing her cousin’s facebook update? You’ll never know, but it shouldn’t be a concern because, if she’s into your conversation, she’ll be focused on you.
To put myself in a good mindset, I sometimes like to lie down on my bed and dim the lights. Besides calming me, the girl will often pickup on my chill vibe and it’ll feel like pillow talk.
You don’t need to “plan” the conversation, but should instead focus on what you did that day, and especially highlighting any fun moments. DO NOT complain about work or how you were bored in class, unless there’s a funny twist to it. Get to know her better, and eventually segue the conversation into meeting up. Give her a few days and times that work for you and determine each of your availabilities.
But if she doesn’t pick up, because people are often busy …
It goes straight to voicemail …
One truth I have found is that NOBODY likes leaving voicemails. Essentially, you’re improvising a monologue and do not want to come off as awkward or nervous, which is hard when you have no one to communicate with. Voicemails are one-way streets, so keep them simple and to the point.
I like to say, “Hi Jane, it’s Eric. How are ya? I’m right now in awe of this strange
“Hi Jane, it’s Eric. I had something really funny to tell you but I guess it’ll have to wait. Talk to you soon. Bye”
When she calls, I’ll tell her something funny that happened recently or a good joke I heard.
Your voicemail should have:
- Purpose: that you want to talk to her another time and
- Flavor: like sharing a personal moment or alluding to something funny
Odd Phone Moments
In one night, I left voicemails for two girls, and each responded promptly in less than an hour by text message, thus changing the medium of communication. I do not suggest this EVER. Even if you’re busy, it’s polite to respond with a call or pick up the phone and explain, “I’m busy, can I call you back in an hour?” and proceed to do so.
In my situation, I responded to the girls by text and later arranged evenings to go out with both of them. You gotta roll with the punches.
One great use of text is to check-in every now and then with a girl. If you’re thinking of her, and not coming off as needy, express yourself. “Hey. Been thinking of you. Hope your day is going well.” You’ve got nothing to lose and I generally get positive responses, as long as it’s sincere.
Gentlemen, there are many methods to call, text or facebook a girl so as to secure a date. For the benefit of all men, I encourage that you share any that have proven successful.
And stay tuned in the next post as we investigate the dating ritual known as: THE FIRST DATE