Monday, January 25, 2010

The Phone Number and the First Call


The last post introduced a few methods to meet girls in various situations, and now it’s time to put that number she gave you to use.

Your goal is to get to know her better in a one-on-one situation with romantic possibilities hanging in the background, otherwise known as a date.

I’ve noticed that asking for her number is best done away from her group of friends, which makes the experience more intimate. She might be more reserved passing it along with everybody watching, but if that’s the only time, then suck it up and go for it.

In fact, one key lesson I’ve learned, in dating and beyond, is that The Timing Is Never Right. Magical moments are rare and are forcefed to us in books and movies, but reality is far more chaotic. This philosophical nugget will be further discussed in future points, but I’d like that seed to be planted now, because it’s damn important.

Texting VS Calling

A strange phenomenon I’ve noticed in this age is how comfortable girls are with texting versus calling. Back in the day, you’d get a girl’s home phone number and her parent or sibling might awkwardly take the call. Then cell phones arrived and you could reach her directly around the clock. Now we have the ability to text a brief message, which has altered the process of dating, for better and for worse. Your best strategy is to use both mediums of communication, starting with the text.

The night you meet

I like to get the number and text her later that night with a message cleverly referring to how we met and connected. Attractive girls will have a lot of guys introducing themselves in one night, especially at a bar, so be sure to differentiate yourself from the pack.

Here are a few actual texts I’ve used:

“Hi Jane, I had a great time running into you, and it makes me want to sing: I’m trying to find the words to describe our dancing without being DISRESPECTFULLL ;) – Eric”

(This was referring to us getting our groove on the dance floor to “Sexy Bitch” by David Guetta featuring Akon, an untouchable jam.)

or

“Happy New Years Jane! Good meeting a fellow … at …. If you’re up to continue the celebration, my friends and I are going to (some future night out) Lets keep the party going! - Eric”

Usually the response will be a J or “lol”, indicating that there’s a high chance she’ll take …

The first call

The best times to call are weekend afternoons or weekday evenings after 9:00 p.m. The former is when people are relaxing and prepping for their night ahead and the latter is ideal because it’s after work and dinner when people unwind before bed.

To feel nervous excitement before your first call is completely normal and will diminish with time. Studies in communication show that an energy is passed back and forth between people talking face-to-face where in the speaker is constantly interpreting the listener through non-verbal signals. The speaker can identify if the listener is entranced, distracted, bored or angered and this will impact how the speaker continues verbalizing his/her thoughts. With phones, you have limited access to these signals, and a good way to relieve this excess energy, is by toying with an object (not THAT object you pervert) or going for a walk.

In conversation you might think: “Is she pausing because she is pondering my thought, checking out a hot guy walking by or browsing her cousin’s facebook update? You’ll never know, but it shouldn’t be a concern because, if she’s into your conversation, she’ll be focused on you.

To put myself in a good mindset, I sometimes like to lie down on my bed and dim the lights. Besides calming me, the girl will often pickup on my chill vibe and it’ll feel like pillow talk.

You don’t need to “plan” the conversation, but should instead focus on what you did that day, and especially highlighting any fun moments. DO NOT complain about work or how you were bored in class, unless there’s a funny twist to it. Get to know her better, and eventually segue the conversation into meeting up. Give her a few days and times that work for you and determine each of your availabilities.

But if she doesn’t pick up, because people are often busy …

It goes straight to voicemail …

One truth I have found is that NOBODY likes leaving voicemails. Essentially, you’re improvising a monologue and do not want to come off as awkward or nervous, which is hard when you have no one to communicate with. Voicemails are one-way streets, so keep them simple and to the point.

I like to say, “Hi Jane, it’s Eric. How are ya? I’m right now in awe of this strange LA night fog on my way to see a friend. Hope you’re doing well, call me back. Ciao.”

Or

“Hi Jane, it’s Eric. I had something really funny to tell you but I guess it’ll have to wait. Talk to you soon. Bye”

When she calls, I’ll tell her something funny that happened recently or a good joke I heard.

Your voicemail should have:

- Purpose: that you want to talk to her another time and

- Flavor: like sharing a personal moment or alluding to something funny

Odd Phone Moments

In one night, I left voicemails for two girls, and each responded promptly in less than an hour by text message, thus changing the medium of communication. I do not suggest this EVER. Even if you’re busy, it’s polite to respond with a call or pick up the phone and explain, “I’m busy, can I call you back in an hour?” and proceed to do so.

In my situation, I responded to the girls by text and later arranged evenings to go out with both of them. You gotta roll with the punches.

One great use of text is to check-in every now and then with a girl. If you’re thinking of her, and not coming off as needy, express yourself. “Hey. Been thinking of you. Hope your day is going well.” You’ve got nothing to lose and I generally get positive responses, as long as it’s sincere.

Gentlemen, there are many methods to call, text or facebook a girl so as to secure a date. For the benefit of all men, I encourage that you share any that have proven successful.

And stay tuned in the next post as we investigate the dating ritual known as: THE FIRST DATE

Sunday, January 10, 2010

The Bewitching Hour

A key element of dating is simply meeting the girl, and the most common time and place to meet such women are on Friday and Saturday nights. While this is not revelatory, what is interesting is not where or how, but WHEN is the best time to meet women at a bar or club. The other night revealed an issue men face known as the “Bewitching Hour”

11:00 p.m. I arrive at a bar called “Nikki’s” in Venice and am shocked to find a line to enter. Come on, it’s Venice, not Hollywood! At the back of the line, I engaged two girls and a guy in conversation wondering why Venice felt so superior that it would have a bar with lines. While chatting, I learned a lot about the birthday group they were preparing to meet, and was satisfied that I had just made new friends.

11:20 p.m. Inside, I run into my Polish friends but decide to mingle some more. I strike up a conversation with two girls, with a fun, casual line:

Me: “Cheers! Hey, do you know how to say cheers in a different language?”
Them: “Salud!” (Spanish) and “Na zdrowie!” (Polish)
Me: And here’s Italian for ya, “Chin Chin!”


At this point, I have come in with a fun attitude and now have cultures and ethnic backgrounds to discuss. Next thing I know, I have four girls around me, and one cute one happens to be an attractive Professor of Jewish Literature visiting UCLA.

Me: “Wow, you must know a lot about the chosen people.”
Her: “Yeah, more than you!”
Me: “How did you know I was a Jew? Did my ski slope give it away?” (points to my large Jewish nose)
Her: ::laughs::

Meanwhile, I have been spotted as eye candy from two attractive Asians from across the room, and I write down in my mental notebook to talk to them later.

11:30 a.m. A friend arrives and I excuse myself to chat with her.

11:55 a.m. I’ve ambled around the bar, and after catching up with my friends, we hit the dance floor.

12:10 a.m. I’m off to talk to the fun girls I met earlier and ALL OF THEM ARE GONE.

Yes, every single cool girl I met are nowhere to be found.

Gentlemen, beware of the “bewitching hour,” that evil time period after midnight when a lot of the appealing girls have disappeared, perhaps to bar hop, grab a bite or head home early.

From my experience, the best time to go to a bar, lounge or club is from 9:00 p.m. – 12:00 a.m. because in the early hours you can introduce yourself to many people, and after showing the room you’re a fun, friendly guy to meet, you can reacquaint yourself with everyone you met before they are plastered. Remembering people’s names is important, so here is a method I use:

(Note: It’s best to memorize no more than four names at once, because anymore more and you probably won’t remember everyone)

Remembering Names

1) As you shakes hands with a new person, say their name loud and clearly
“Hi, George, I’m Eric.”
2) Immediately say everyone’s name in the group.
“George, Amanda, John and Ashley. I’m Eric, remember that because there will be a pop quiz in five minutes.”
3) Use everyone’s name in conversation at least once.
“George, can you believe this line to enter the bar? I tried flashing the bouncer to get in, but it did NOT work. I even showed a little nipple.”



Armed with this knowledge, the following is a breakdown of the best possible night:

9:00 p.m. – 10:00 p.m. Get to know everyone you can with short, fun conversations. Excuse yourself so you can mingle as new people trickle into the bar.

10:00 p.m. – 11:00 p.m. Reintroduce yourself to groups you are already friends with. If you can introduce one group you met to another, you have become that much cooler. Get to know that girl you had your eyes on in a more intimate atmosphere, away from the pounding music.

11:00 p.m. – 12:00 a.m. GET YOUR DANCE ON. The alcohol has thoroughly lubricated the crowd, making it easier to build rapport with people. Get her number, and make loose plans to follow up on.

After three hours of socializing during the most ideal parts of the evening, your night will have been both fun and successful in meeting someone to date. After midnight, women tend to ratchet up their defenses or are to drunk to properly meet.

So beware of the bewitching hour. Start earlier and plan to end earlier. Use the time after midnight to catch up with friends.

Gentlemen, are their time frames you have found to be more successful to meet women at bars or clubs?

Bar Review:
“Nikki’s” in Venice. 72 Market Street.

Fun and crowded, Nikki’s is one large space dominated by a dance floor. DJs start the night with appealing, modern tracks but detour into dull 90s rap after midnight. Drinks are well-priced, and the people there are a good mix of party-goers who didn’t feel like going through Hollywood pretentiousness to have a good night.