Sunday, January 2, 2011

Reflections on a Year of LA Dating

If you aren't keeping a dating journal, now is the time to start. In the last post, we saw that dating is very similar to applying for a job, but instead of a career you get a relationship. Here’s another important concept: dating is a skill, and you can only improve through practice and learning from your triumphs and mistakes.

If you wanted to build muscle with a weight-lifting routine, you would keep a log of how many pounds you lifted and for how many repetitions. Over time you would track your results and feel accomplished with your steady success. Dating is the same, but the goal is not bigger biceps, but a boyfriend or girlfriend.

New Years: Life changing night or just another party?

I found myself on New Years Eve at Club Rehab, a DJ school on the west dressed up for the night’s theme “World Festival.” Looking sharp, I had on a fitted white-collared shirt, skinny black tie in a Half-Windsor knot, black blazer, tan pants from Zara, black shoes and an extra element for fun: a blue t-shirt with a large “Italia” printed on the chest. For the night, I was representing Italy by talking to people in Italian, discussing the finger points of “la vera pizza” and, for any lovely females, initiating a European kiss (which is planting a light kiss on both cheeks) right after saying “Ciao!” Spend enough time in Europe, and you will begin to love this delightful tradition.

My friends and I crowded the dance floor as the DJ started the countdown to midnight, and when he yelled out “2, 1, Happy New years!” we happily clinked our plastic cups filled with champagne. Guys were hugged and girls were kissed. Everyone was bursting with joy, surging with confidence from wearing their most attractive outfits, gulping down Patron margaritas and pulsing to Usher’s “DJ Got Us Falling in Love Again” all the while surrounded by new and old friends.

After a few glasses of champagne, the elated feeling I had began to fade when I realized New Years is just a party. It is a fun way to spend Friday night before it turns into Saturday morning. Despite a lot of hype, life doesn’t change after midnight. The idea of creating “resolutions” is ridiculous, because a real goal should be created any day of the year that you’re ready to better your life.

One nice thing about New Years is that it forces people to reflect on their lives, which is something they should be doing 12 times a year, rather than just once. I reflect on my life and goals daily, using a journal to keep track of the good, the bad and the ugly. The failures are especially important to chronicle because they allow you the precious opportunity to LEARN SOMETHING.

So if there is one thing I can encourage you all to do, is to buy a pen and a 10.5” x 8” notebook, with a nice cover, preferably hard-bound. Regular notebooks are simply not built to handle the glories of your love life.
On the front page, right down a goal, like going on one new date a month, and then note how you will work on this goal on a week-to-week basis, such as by planning to attend two social events that will have new people that you don’t already know, each week.

In a way, this LA Dating Blog, is just a public forum of excerpts from my own journal, so that I can share with you what I’ve learned as a 20-something with significant dating experience. I’ve learned things like the following:

Great Idea: For a blind date, I took a girl to the downtown artwalk and had a fun time because we were always moving around and finding visual stimulation to chat all the time. Plus, unexpectedly running into three groups of friends bumped up my social value, which is always nice. J

Not so great idea: On a first date, I made the mistake of being too aggressive with physical flirting, like repeatedly touching a girl’s shoulder or elbow. Lesson learned: a little goes a long way, and learn to read her signals. After all, it takes two to flirt. That’s what chemistry is all about. (This will be the topic of my next post, so stay tuned)

With your dating journal, avoid overanalyzing by just writing what you feel in the heat of the moment, and then studying it the next day. If there is anything you’re unsure about go to two resources:

1) A good friend who is successful with dating or attracting the opposite sex. Avoid sharing with friends who are less experienced because it’s akin to asking a fat doctor on how to be healthy

2) Seek dating experts online, and read their free articles on whatever you’re curious about.  If you type into google “kissing on a date” you will find a lot of great articles from experts with years of experience who write for everything from to The Huffington Post.

If this post has got you to reflect on your dating life, then ask yourself this question and comment below: What have you learned over this past year of dating that you’d like to share with the LA Dating Blog?


ljmaggie said...

At the beginning of last year I started dating someone I thought I could have a relationship with. After I was brave and told him how I felt, he told me he didn't want the same.

After that experience I went on one date with a nice guy, which was a new thing for me. Even though that one went back to his ex, I realized that good looking, nice guys do exist and are attracted to me.

At the end of September I met a very good looking, nice guy and we have been dating since. I have learned to be patient and just let things happen naturally. I have slowed down and learned to appreciate every moment.

Jason Burk said...


I'm glad to hear about your success and your courage to keep putting yourself out there. It's hard to be vulnerable, but with enough patience you can find someone special.

muhammad said...

i am very impress to read it that i don't kissing so you tell me about google search really is it true i will check it in my time.

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